Top 5 Regrets In Life

I've found this message from Bronnie Ware, an inspiring writer from Australia.
The message is about a very interesting summary of the top 5 regrets that people have when they are dying soon. Very enlightening & it serve as a great reminder to us....

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Under Sycamore Tree

A friend of mine created another new blog under the webpage of http://undersycamoretree.blogspot.com. A very interesting and relevant blog within a fast-paced future, telling us to look into ourselves again and figure out the North that we are pursuing.

At times, it is hard for us to figure out what do we really after. But one of the way is to discover our in-born talent, hone it into a consistent strength, spice-up with skills and passion.....there we have it....PURPOSE. It is like beginning to do something and just flow with it without deep analysis. As we do it, our purpose will emerge and as time goes by, it is clearer to us whether to stick with it, tune it a little or add on to it.

It is really easy to start with what we like or what we are good at.

For example, another friend of mine who loves photography, just started a casual hobby called the 30 Days Project in Facebook and I assume the idea was emerged out of his interest in snapping some good picture with different angle and color effects. He just started it, stick with it and he is going to complete it. Who knows, maybe down the road, his interest may lead him to his lifelong purpose of becoming a travel-journalist as he is also good in writing skills and love to enjoy life as well!

I've got another friend who was good at doing marketing, branding and pretty interested in training as well. She has done this for almost 10 years and she is exploring other alternatives recently that got her in a potential career that she is looking for. And she is really good in what she is doing.

The first example is of someone with what he likes and the the second example is of someone with what she is good at.

All we need is a little spark to begin our exploration in our purpose. Think about it under a sycamore tree!

The first step will lead to a thousand miles.....

Sense of Purpose

Over the years, upon reading some books, I'll write my Purpose or Mission statement.
Well, it might be a good way for me to review, change and grow accordingly.

Lately, I've just changed my Purpose Statement to a Purpose Question.
Short and simple. Easy to remember.
Personally, I feel a Question is more dynamic, provoking and stimulating than a Statement.

Example of a statement which sounds,
"To be the leader in the industry and achieving outstanding results of innovation & growth at all time."

Turn it to a question statement instead....
"How can we be the leader in the industry and to achieve outstanding results of innovation & growth at all time?"

Wouldn't it be better? Coz it sounds like provoking our thoughts all the time on how to achieve it better. And questions will help trigger us all the time to think forward.

In whatever we do, let's not forget to do Alignment & Balancing from time to time. Most importantly, "service" our mind regularly and don't wait until the stage of Overhauling of our brain nerves only to realized the importance of Renewal & Regeneration!!

Mr. Honda

Most of us drove or sit in a Honda car before, but do you know that Mr. Honda is one of the most persistent man ever.

In 1938, Mr. Honda had a little workshop and he developed a special piston ring concept and thought of selling it to Toyota Corporation. He is so passionate and dedicated in his work until he slept in his own workshop and pawned his wife's jewelleries to continue in his business research!

Finally, he completed the piston ring technology and presented it to Toyota. You know what.....he got rejected! It was due to the reason that certain standards were not met.

Then Mr. Honda continued to study for another 2 years to deepen his knowledge. After another 2 years, he eventually got a contract with Toyota.

We would thought Mr. Honda lived happily ever after.......

But at that time, Japanese government was gearing up for war and it was really hard to get concrete to build factory. Did Mr. Honda quit? No, he created his own concrete, then built his factory & get the job done!
What a true winner!

But....another bad episode happened!
During the war, the factory was bombed twice, destroying major portion of the factory.
Mr. Honda didn't dwell on it. Together with his team, he picked up gas cans that the US fighter had discarded and positively said, "This is a gift from President Truman!" Now he used that as the raw materials for the manufacturing process.
Talking about innovation, creativity & persistency, we can't beat Mr. Honda....!

What we didn't know was after the war, it followed by an earthquake!!
Most of us would have quit but not Mr. Honda.
Challenges after challenges, he persisted until he secured a long deal with Toyota.

But after the war, there was petrol shortage. Therefore, Mr. Honda couldn't drive his car to even buy food as he used to. Instead of putting himself in the corner facing dilemma, he thought of ways to go above it or under it or around it.....and finally he had a breakthrough!
He attached a motor to his bicycle to get around......
The neighbours saw it, like it and of course asked Mr. Honda to install it to their bicycles as well and they called it "MOTOR RIDE". The so-called "business" was so good until it ran out of motors!

Guess what? Mr. Honda set up a small factory producing motors. But, he has no capital....
Therefore, he appealed to almost 18,000 bicycle shops for his great invention and finally got 5000 of them to pay an upfront capital to fund his factory. Then he found out another problem.....the motor was too big & bulky!
He re-designed and created a scaled-down version of it and called it the Super Cub, exported it to baby boomers in US and ....... THE REST IS .....HISTORY....!!!

Anyone felt tired reading it? Not to mention the person experiencing it and solving endless problems & challenges that got in the way.

Now, when you see a Honda on the road......what do you really see? A CAR or a DREAM?

A Unique School

2 days ago, I went to a property forum entitled Rethinking Property, organised by BFM radio station. There were 3 prominent speakers.

It was an eye-and-mind-opener! One of the speaker that striked me the most was John Hardy, the founder of Green School in Bali, Indonesia.

I do not know there is such school that existed.
My first impression was .... yeah, another school teaching about green stuff, recycling waste, saving energy, blah blah blah...etc.
It is much more than that. Of course listening to the founder himself talks about his vision of creating "Green Leaders" in the future who cares about what happens to the world, put my grasshopper mindset in the backburner!

John Hardy & his wife Cynthia sold off their jewellery business to set this green school up.
The whole school was made of bamboo! No air-conditioning, but natural flow of air and no toxic building material but "organic" material. What a building!

The students can learn basic skills such as reading, writing and I like the fact that they focus more on the practical side instead of boring-standard-Teach-N-Go-curriculum like most school did. They even learn art & music and most importantly, interaction skills.

All of us are Rice-Consumers but the students learn to be a Rice-Producer!
They plant, grow & harvest their own paddy & vegetables.
There's no computer software of any kind that can do a better job in teaching children about the Law of Sowing & Reaping than planting with their own labor, knowing that "If they don't work, they don't eat" principle still exist in 21st century!

Moreover, they get to interact with students from all over the world. They learn, adapt, communicate & build projects together. It reminds me of the word GLOCALIZATION instead of GLOBALISATION.
What a great example of a local village with global society in it.

In my opinion, the skills & the talent that the students potentially build up with will enable them to be more holistically balance in the aspect of mental & emotional strength.
I can't imagine our future generations are still following the status quo of going to a typical school and scoring all the As that their parents dreamt of and expect them to have the adaptability and competitiveness in the global marketplace!
It is not the sole issue of competitiveness but also the morality & respect that we need to nurture the future leaders.

Well, be sure to check the website and find out more at http://www.greenschool.org.
Thumbs up and a big salute to John Hardy, Cynthia and the team that run that place.

Employee ah, employee....what do you want?

Last month & this month, my current company encounters a total of 6 people resigning. Another 3 thinking of resigning....That's really bad.

I've worked in multiple sizes of company before; small, medium and big.
Some with proper system and some without.
Some are doing competitively great and some are on the sun-set industry.
Some are managed by caring bosses & managers and some are just taking advantage of employees.

Well, finding talents is a difficult task today. Retaining them is even more difficult.

Out of my own journey talking to people as an employee, I've summarised what normally employees are looking for when they work in a company; it doesn't matter whether it has system or not, big or small.

1) Career path - Nobody wants to work forever as an executive or trainee level. The issue is whether the company has a plan to move up the employee on a career ladder or they just want to maintain the "tradition". Another issue is whether the employee is equipped with the skills for the new tasks. Budget allocation from a company in training might be a good idea!

2) Leadership - Manage by using our Head, Lead by using our Heart. Management is more on a Left-Brain area while Leadership is more on a Right-Brain stuff. We have to balance between;
- Looking at the big picture vs. Looking at the details.
- Task-oriented vs. People-oriented.
- Intelligence vs. Imagination.
- Instincts vs. Analysis
- Influence vs. Authority

Can we learn something from the managers / directors or we are just merely working like a robot?

3) Reward - Can you imagine cost of living keep going up and the range of salary remain the same today as compared to 5 - 10 years ago? Nowadays even a chicken rice / economy rice costs around RM4.50 - RM5.50, depending on the location. A typical malaysian car costs around RM40k - RM60k and people normally can afford to buy if the repayment period is drag up to 7 or 9 years. A mid-class apartment / condo costs around RM200k - RM300k....developer's price! Upon completion, perhaps rising up to RM300k - RM400k.....for an empty units excluding furnishing, renovation & decoration.

To me, salary comprises of 3 parts;
- Costs of Living
- Employee's ability
- Employee's performance

We can't just pay a standard rate for fresh graduate RM1,500 - RM1,800 / mth as if it is the same as 10 years back!

4) Appreciation - this is the most significant factor. Being acknowledged and felt we are part of the organisation is most important. Confront privately, compliment publicly. I've seen a boss that wanted to cut short a meeting duration by telling the employee, "Just tell me the bad news or problems faced, skip the good news!". Or "I don't care what are you going to do, just get it done!"

Well, that boss definitely save lots of time but not realising in long term, he is wasting more time by not listening & appreciating staff as he needed to train, re-train, train & retrain due to the frequent movement of people leaving & people coming in. The worst thing happen is when the employees felt they are a commodity instead of human being!

Whether a company wants to keep hiring new people or maintaining the talented employee for future growth will depend largely on the company's direction, mission & culture.

When Starbucks re-define their company mission from:

"WE ARE NOT A COFFEE BUSINESS SERVING PEOPLE....BUT A PEOPLE BUSINESS SERVING COFFEE!", whatever they do or decide will be more people-oriented and not coffee-oriented.

Eventually, it boils down to the Directors or Founders mindset of setting up the business.

What's the purpose of a particular business is being set up?
I've wrote another note on The Purpose of Building A Business.

Purpose of Building A Business

A typical journey that one would go through is studying, graduating, got a cert, go get a job!
After changing jobs for awhile, we realized no matter how many jobs we have changed, we are building something that doesn't belongs to us.
Finally when we reach a boiling-point, we'll say, "That's enough, I'm gonna start my own!"

That is where one more business is being born!

I've came across through reading, listening & association on why certain people started a business. I know there are many reasons but I observed a few highlights.

1) PASSION

Some people turn hobbies into a business. Eg. of housewives turning hobby of making cupcakes into a business. Pet lovers turning passion of loving animals into a pet-store. Natural therapist turning a desire of helping & curing people into a business. Donald Trump, turning his extreme passion for developing buildings and making deals into an empire. Rich Devos has great compassion empowering people doing their own business through starting Amway. Car-Enthusiasts turning car modification into a business.......and the lists goes on.

A business with PASSION is being run differently by the owners. It is more meaningful and lively!
A business that solely filled with the purpose of profitability doesn't create much value for employees to have any sense of belonging in the long run!

TLC - Truly Loving Company, embarked on a journey of selling toiletries with the purpose of donating most of the dividends to charity. It was started by a woman who was too tired of climbing the corporate ladder and wanting to do something meaningful instead.

J-Co Donuts....initially people queueing up like crazy in Pavillion DAILY, to buy donuts. Like refugees queueing up to get their rice! It was started by an Indonesian hair stylist, due to his crazy liking for donuts!

Passion can really drive a business into greater heights.

2) CREATION & INNOVATION

Another group of people started business because they wanted to turn ideas into reality.
When "Uncle Lim" first had an idea of building a resort home up in a hill, he was having around RM300 million and at that time, it was more than enough to have a comfortable retirement. Why does he take the trouble to plot a place called Genting Sempah and eventually build an entertainment hub? And he almost died 5-6 times in the process of building it as he visited the "dangerous" site daily!

Despite being a billionaire and having more than 200 companies, why does Richard Branson build Virgin Galactic and make space travelling a reality? In fact people have been making reservation 1 year before it was launch!

Talking about technology; we can't runaway from iPhone, iPod, iPad...& whatever in future that starts with an "i". Do you think Steve Jobs have created a new world of how we can "enjoy" technology?

A true Malaysia-Boleh hero, Datuk Tony Fernandes, creating a budget airline where "Everyone can fly!"

Whatever it is, any process of turning Ideas or Creation into a Reality or a Business, gives much satisfaction to those who have completed the journey!

3) SOLVING PROBLEMS

Think about it.....what kind of business that is created and doesn't solve any problems?
F & B business is to solve hunger problems....
Computer business is to solve inefficiency problems...
Financial consultation is to solve financial problems...
Maid agency is to solve helper's problems...
Interior designers is to solve home decoration & renovation problems...
But sometimes PASSION in starting & running a business overruled the LOGIC of creating a business.

4) PROVIDING JOBS

Well, this would be a macroscopic level of starting a business or businesses and helping a nation to grow! That is more on a Free Enterprise concept where wealth is freely created & distributed through the channel of capitalistic investment.

It is sort of a "Father" that creates a roof of employment for people especially for developing nation.

Malaysia is a good hub that provides job for foreign workers and thanks to the entrepreneurs who take the risk to start from nothing to something. People that developed this vision when they started a business is reaching the Self-Actualization level of achievement.

Some people thought buying a Ferrari is a waste of money. Why not donating the money to 3rd world countries?
But can you imagine how many jobs that Ferrari has created and empower individuals to feed their family through their dedicated effort?

5) PROFIT GENERATION

Eventually, we can't be doing a business that we like, passionate and solving other's problems without profits.
In which I had friends who actually think we should not make money out of friends if we do business with friends.
How naive! Imagine going to a friend's cafe and insist of paying only the cost price of foods & beverages everytime!

Well, money is not good or bad but it depends on how we use it. Money is also a measurement of how good we tapped into our potential and use the available resources. It can help turn Dreams into Realities as well.

We can't be adding values to our employees without profits.
Team-Building needs money.
Employee-Development needs money.
Salary & Bonus needs money.
Company's annual dinner or trip needs money.

As Jerry Mcguire said...."SHOW ME THE MONEY!"

In conclusion, how the management or business owners run their business depends on the mindset of creating the business in the first place. Whether the top management is greedy or generous, feeling insecure or fully delegating, money-oriented or people-oriented will eventually increase or decrease employee's retention.

If a company has a Vision, Culture, System, Values, Branding, Positioning and Growth, it will not only attract Talents but retaining them as well.

LOVE MONEY & USE PEOPLE......NO, NO,NO....
LOVE PEOPLE & USE MONEY instead!

Doctors; A Blessing or A Curse

Dear Doctors or Future Doctors...

I'm writing this with all my respect to Doctors and sincerely wanting to thank all of them for the great work that they have done!

Just to share some observations and thoughts....

I've had friends in which their family members have been wrongly treated by doctors in which one of them past away and some of them never got cured but got worst.

At times, I've heard comments from relatives & friends mentioning unnecessary treatments & operations done by doctors ended up making things worst. Of course I've heard on cases where I should applause & salute them as well.

In fact, there's always a controversial opinion on whether doctors should charge for patients who can't afford expensive treatments or operations. We always think doctors are life-savers and should not make money or make "that" much money after all.

But they are human beings that need money to survive as well. They have invested hefty education fees and countless resources of time and energy to become a Doctor. It is about hardwork and dedication. They can't be charging it for FREE or at a mediocre fees where they can't even cover their own education investments for the past years.

Therefore, it is the own conscious of doctors to make a judgement. Perhaps a combination of Work & Charity.

For those who are merely becoming a doctor for the sake of becoming one or solely on making money should let go of this profession and do something else. As hospital is a combination of work in BUSINESS and LIFE-SAVINGS activities, it is important for doctors to refresh and remind daily on their purpose of existence. Not simply prescribing unnecessary medicines or conduct unnecessary operations out of the agenda of profit. Profits should be made out of Ethics and not Greed!

Perhaps some of the improvements that I can think of:

1. Doctors should be more of an Uplifter and spreading Hopes despite chronic situation faced by the patients. Besides cancer, WORDS can also kill somebody mentally before dying physically!
2. Doctors can also equipped with natural therapeutic knowledge instead of medicines or operations alone. The goal is to "Cure" patients or not to "Lure" patients! Moreover, almost all medicines are with side effect where natural diet or food has no side effect. Why not go for natural healing!
3. Perhaps medical bills can be adjusted not to reach a sky-rocket level but more of a slightly-above-average kind of profit? Or even paying by installment basis (not sure they have it now)?
4. Every 3 months, perhaps there are seminars or conferences to help doctors to gain back the Purpose and Drive of who they are or who they can be.
5. Perhaps some of the doctors should practise healthy lifestyle! Unfortunately, I've saw doctors who smoke out side the clinic and some of them are pretty obese! Yeah, talking about high blood cholesterol & high blood pressure....

As mentioned, being a doctor is not easy.
For those that have contributed to the society & mankind, I would wholeheartedly thank them.
For those who mistakenly treated patients, perhaps you should reflect a little on your passion & real driver in life!
For those who are going to be doctors, congratulations and thank you in advance for joining such a noble career. Put your HEART and MIND into it, you'll be great!