Top 5 Regrets In Life

I've found this message from Bronnie Ware, an inspiring writer from Australia.
The message is about a very interesting summary of the top 5 regrets that people have when they are dying soon. Very enlightening & it serve as a great reminder to us....

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Deathbed

The other night, I've watched a tv show until midnight and it is called "Tuesdays With Morrie". It was an eye-opener and I believe this show will surely enlightens and awakens some people's purpose in life.

Morrie is a professor and an old man who fully live his life and lots of time, see the good in people and circumstances. He always gave wonderful wisdom of life to the students around him. Unfortunately, he was struck by a disease (I forgot what is it called...) and the virus is attacking his whole body from bottom up. But before he died, he met up with one of his students, a sport journalist, who was extremely dedicated to his work until he take life for granted and was in a dilemma on his life compass. After 19 years of not seeing each other, Morrie somehow help this man to look at life differently and to cherish what really matters instead of speeding through the journey all the time!

The whole show talked about how to live a life that we truly wanted and bless the people around us. Very often, we are after glamorous careers, great ambitions, make more money, get a big house and if possible, drive a Ferrari! But Morrie talked about how often that we stop and look at what we are after and says, "Wait a minute, is that what I really want in the first place?"

To make it more interesting, Morrie organized a "living funeral" for himself! What a great idea that breakthrough conventional pattern of dying! Yes, it is more meaningful to see our friends and family before we have our last breath and listen to what they have to say about us just before we die. What's the point of letting people compliment and praise you and you are not around to enjoy it.

I wish there are more tv shows that add values to us instead of negative dramas for whole year long.

Luckily, these are some of Morrie's quotes that I managed to jot it down while watching this show;

1. Never make money by using people.
2. Love always win.
3. Love is the only rational act, just let it come in.
4. We must love one another or die.
5. When we learn to die, we learn to live.
6. Forgive everybody everything.
7. Death ends life but not relationship.

Hope some of these quotes do give you a second thought and help you to discover your life compass.

Imagine that you are dying soon (well, everybody dies....it is not a touch-wood thing!), what do you really want to do and who do you want to be on your bedside during your last breath?

Admire vs. Envy

Let us learn to enjoy the beauty of admiring what we don't have that we can find in others. Jealousy will make us miserable. Envy will lead us to frustrations. Try to improve and strengthen our natural assets and what we are good at rather than comparing our weaknesses with other's strengths. The purpose is not to widen our gap with others but to find commonalities for accomplishments.

Some are born tall - they are naturally good for modeling!
Some are born short - don't worry, when the lightning strikes, the tall guy got it first!
Some are good in striking conversation - a magnet to a party!
Some are good in building long term friendship - loyalty comes in!
Some are naturally beautiful - but without brains.....oops!
Some are uggggggly - but with rationality and intelligence!

Well, I'm just having fun putting up some labels. But it is all about appreciating and admiring our own self.

Like yourself and Love who you are!
YOU ARE SPECIAL......

Happiness: Synthetic or Organic?

I just watched a local tv programme entitled "Sejuta Impian" organized by a telecommunication company to grant funds for people who have dreams, passion and action plans to realized it.
I'm impressed and touched by those who presented their dreams to help, uplift and enrich other's life.
With the pace of urban living, sometimes we care less of whatever that doesn't contribute to the P&L statement.

The P&L doesn't just stand for Profit & Loss.
It stands for People & Love as well!

Whatever we do today, are we really happy about it?
Are we, in any way helps or uplifts anyone along the journey of success?
Are we gaining Synthetic Happiness or the real stuff?

People succumb to alcohol, cigarettes, "escape-type" vacations, divorce, job promotions, fast cars, diamond rings, luxury bags....etc to gain synthetic and short term happiness. Those are By-The-Way of success. Nothing wrong with it as long as we are not too obsessed until we miss the main stuff.
What really matters is getting the organic and long-lasting chapter of happiness. We can achieve it through:

1. A sense of gratitude
2. The process of accomplishing a worthwhile goal
3. Enriching and uplifting others

One of my way of getting happiness is through blogging. It serves as a channel of my thought expressions and I hope it enriches someone in some ways.
After writing blogs, I felt lighter, more satisfied and fulfilled.

And I hope you will find your way too....

Let's Make Our Money Meaningful!

Well, we make money everyday, then we spend it.....then we make some more.....and we spend some more...etc
Sometimes it is good to "give meanings" to the money that we earn or spend!
We've often thought about "The grass is always greener on the other side." Until we take into account of what we do have as compared to what other people don't have.

A simple "Thank You" to WorldVision is simply not enough. They have done a great job, not only providing fishes to those who needed it, but also equipped them with necessary skills to fish as well.
I like the idea of donating business kits to them, in the form of seeds, chicken, cows....etc.
At least, they can make a transition from dependent to independent & finally interdependent.

Few years back, I've adopted some children......
Flipping through those files really makes me feel that at the very least, I'm doing a little favour to these little ones.
Not to mention about Wii Sport, Wii Fit, Transformers toy ...etc, but some of them just wanted to SURVIVE!
Not to mention having a balance meal, they even have problem of getting a simple meal!
Not to mention having great education, they just want to get basic literacy!
Of course with WorldVision, now they have a much better life......

These are the letters & greeting cards which I've received on a regular basis. It is meaningful to look at them from time to time, reminding us on ONE of the purpose of making money.

Of course I want to be RICH but I also want to be RICHLY BLESSING OTHERS.
Sponsoring those kids makes me feel that way......perhaps you should try it too!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not sure the origin of Valentine's Day and whether Valentine is the founder's name. Who cares?

Some people perceived Valentine's Day as a day created by large corporation mainly for business generation & profit taking.
Some even thought that it is just another day. What is so special about it.....the earth still spins the same way!

To me, why not just merely enjoy it instead of thinking on the negative side of it or having too much analysis on the origination. It is beautiful and lovely to have such a day for couple to rekindle their love, for new couple to strengthen their love and most importantly, for secret-lover to reveal their secret!!

It can be a reason, an excuse or a purpose for us to do something or express our hearts out!

I'm married since 2002 and 2nd of October was the day that my life was coupled with another partner, Anne.

We used to enjoyed, argued, teased and supported each other and fortunately, until today!
I think these are the reason that we sustained our marriage and relationship.
Well, a calm sea will not make a skillful sailor! A calm relationship will not make a steady couple either.

Remember those days when we first met our secret lover, ideal guy or gal where our hearts pumping at 50kHz and our blood travels at 180km / hr!

We can't sleep, eat, study and think well whenever "he" or "she" is not around. We miss that person every minute, every hour and every day!

We used to wear an "angelic" or a "gentlemanic" mask all the time, speaking and behaving gently, well-mannered and acting as a YES man or woman! Sometimes to the extend of gently "lying" to our partner saying that:
..."YES, it is convenient, I'll fetch you..."
(You wanted to say: "Why not take a bus, then LRT, then take a taxi lah!")

..."YES, what a beautiful dress..."
(You wanted to say: "Don't waste money lah!")

..."YES honey, you are still slim..."
(You wanted to say: "Fatty bom-bom, curi jagung! Eh, sign up Marie France lah")

..."YES dear, it is delicious..."
(You wanted to say: "Better don't cook, next time order pizza ok!")

Well, it was those "Gentle-Lies" and Mask that actually keep a relationship interesting.
Time will dilute those interesting moments. Opening our mask and telling unnecessary "truth" will hurt a relationship sometimes. You might not agree but it is true.

Imagine on the 4 examples statement above, to be replaced by the bracketed statement!
You are just looking for trouble!
Well, HONESTY is a must in a relationship, but it must be coupled with RESPECT.
Tell the truth, but find the right way and the right time to communicate.
It will save you from unnecessary war!

As the saying goes, Make Love, not War!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Our Parents... An Asset or Liability?

With all the MBA, KPI and goal settings around, some people might treat their parents as liability. Or an asset if they are rich!
But they are neither an asset nor liability, they are HUMAN BEING!

Last Saturday, I've watched "Great Day", a malaysian-made movie (I prefer "Woo-Hoo" though...and I definitely miss Ah Beng's voice!).

I did laughed & cried, though I am a man! Man have tears too okay! Overall, I did enjoy the movie.
The only setback of that movie was the transition or the flow.
It was badly done. While there are scenes where people cried (...me too!) momentarily and suddenly it hops to another scene.
Anyway, it is easier said than done. I do salute and give respect to the director. But I do like how the camera framing certain scenes from certain perspective. It was really good angles! Plus the 2 "pakcik" who acts naturally and hilariously.

Man...nowadays, don't "pray-play" with "uncles", they can act one u know!

Well, that movie triggers me to reminisce back on my grandfather during the 80s. He used to fly kites with me when I was really young. I still remember I used to dragged him back when it started to rain as I was running and he was walking with a "tongkat", without the "ali" of course....hahahah! 

Then I remember on how my father loved to bring us for peanut cream & yam cake on the roadside while driving a dark green toyota with the plate number AK 2223.
And every friday, we'll go for swimming. Eventhough until now, I still don't know how to float!
Almost every Saturday, we'll dine out.
For every Tuesday night, I'll eat what my father had bought, which is the "triangular-shaped bun with margerine & sugar" while watching Blue Thunder!
And at times, my parents would rent a nintendo set for us for a week and I am a Mario Bros specialist! I did finished level 8 ok!
The most exciting time was when my father brought back whole lots of durian with his 60cc honda cub! We'll ate durian beside the "longkang" in our house and we'll wacked the whole bag!

During my primary school days, I used to bring 60 cents to school. My mother expected me to have a typical lunch consists of soup noodles but I bought "keropok" and "Animal Survival" stickers instead! When my mother found that out, I was asked to kneel down to "Tei Chee Koong-Koong" (aiyah, don't know how to translate, I guess "The-Floor-Deity") and promised the deity not to cheat anymore!
You know what, I've broke that promise!

Well, we are not super rich, but I would say I'm quite happy & lucky in a way coz my parents are still around.

My father was a vegetable wholesaler and my mother was a seamstress. During the 80s, there was a crisis and my father's business was suffering. My mother kept supporting him emotionally and she took care of me & my 2 brothers pretty well I would say. We ate Maggi mee sometimes, but some good stuff as well. Especially my mother's home-made mini pork chop!

With all the ETP, GTP, NKRA ....etc to build the nation into a high income nation, please do not forget on how our parents bring the food on the table, raise us up, gave us education, shelter and love.

Well, "Great Day" is a movie reminding us of how we ignore our parents at times, as we move towards the stream of income-building & cultural modernisation! I wonder if Chinese New Year no longer serve the purpose of bringing family members together in future as the future generations have less & less childrens.

Back in the 80s, our CNY gathering consists of around 20 - 30 family members.
Nowadays, perhaps around 10 members including spouse and children.
Further down the road, perhaps around 5-6 members. Maybe some children who study abroad prefer video-conferencing with their parents instead of coming back for a reunion dinner! They might order pizza, delivers to their home and have reunion of their own!

Whatever it is, please go back for a reunion dinner on the CNY's eve and remember, our parents doesn't have much "years" to see us. Appreciate every moments of it.

Purpose of Building A Business

A typical journey that one would go through is studying, graduating, got a cert, go get a job!
After changing jobs for awhile, we realized no matter how many jobs we have changed, we are building something that doesn't belongs to us.
Finally when we reach a boiling-point, we'll say, "That's enough, I'm gonna start my own!"

That is where one more business is being born!

I've came across through reading, listening & association on why certain people started a business. I know there are many reasons but I observed a few highlights.

1) PASSION

Some people turn hobbies into a business. Eg. of housewives turning hobby of making cupcakes into a business. Pet lovers turning passion of loving animals into a pet-store. Natural therapist turning a desire of helping & curing people into a business. Donald Trump, turning his extreme passion for developing buildings and making deals into an empire. Rich Devos has great compassion empowering people doing their own business through starting Amway. Car-Enthusiasts turning car modification into a business.......and the lists goes on.

A business with PASSION is being run differently by the owners. It is more meaningful and lively!
A business that solely filled with the purpose of profitability doesn't create much value for employees to have any sense of belonging in the long run!

TLC - Truly Loving Company, embarked on a journey of selling toiletries with the purpose of donating most of the dividends to charity. It was started by a woman who was too tired of climbing the corporate ladder and wanting to do something meaningful instead.

J-Co Donuts....initially people queueing up like crazy in Pavillion DAILY, to buy donuts. Like refugees queueing up to get their rice! It was started by an Indonesian hair stylist, due to his crazy liking for donuts!

Passion can really drive a business into greater heights.

2) CREATION & INNOVATION

Another group of people started business because they wanted to turn ideas into reality.
When "Uncle Lim" first had an idea of building a resort home up in a hill, he was having around RM300 million and at that time, it was more than enough to have a comfortable retirement. Why does he take the trouble to plot a place called Genting Sempah and eventually build an entertainment hub? And he almost died 5-6 times in the process of building it as he visited the "dangerous" site daily!

Despite being a billionaire and having more than 200 companies, why does Richard Branson build Virgin Galactic and make space travelling a reality? In fact people have been making reservation 1 year before it was launch!

Talking about technology; we can't runaway from iPhone, iPod, iPad...& whatever in future that starts with an "i". Do you think Steve Jobs have created a new world of how we can "enjoy" technology?

A true Malaysia-Boleh hero, Datuk Tony Fernandes, creating a budget airline where "Everyone can fly!"

Whatever it is, any process of turning Ideas or Creation into a Reality or a Business, gives much satisfaction to those who have completed the journey!

3) SOLVING PROBLEMS

Think about it.....what kind of business that is created and doesn't solve any problems?
F & B business is to solve hunger problems....
Computer business is to solve inefficiency problems...
Financial consultation is to solve financial problems...
Maid agency is to solve helper's problems...
Interior designers is to solve home decoration & renovation problems...
But sometimes PASSION in starting & running a business overruled the LOGIC of creating a business.

4) PROVIDING JOBS

Well, this would be a macroscopic level of starting a business or businesses and helping a nation to grow! That is more on a Free Enterprise concept where wealth is freely created & distributed through the channel of capitalistic investment.

It is sort of a "Father" that creates a roof of employment for people especially for developing nation.

Malaysia is a good hub that provides job for foreign workers and thanks to the entrepreneurs who take the risk to start from nothing to something. People that developed this vision when they started a business is reaching the Self-Actualization level of achievement.

Some people thought buying a Ferrari is a waste of money. Why not donating the money to 3rd world countries?
But can you imagine how many jobs that Ferrari has created and empower individuals to feed their family through their dedicated effort?

5) PROFIT GENERATION

Eventually, we can't be doing a business that we like, passionate and solving other's problems without profits.
In which I had friends who actually think we should not make money out of friends if we do business with friends.
How naive! Imagine going to a friend's cafe and insist of paying only the cost price of foods & beverages everytime!

Well, money is not good or bad but it depends on how we use it. Money is also a measurement of how good we tapped into our potential and use the available resources. It can help turn Dreams into Realities as well.

We can't be adding values to our employees without profits.
Team-Building needs money.
Employee-Development needs money.
Salary & Bonus needs money.
Company's annual dinner or trip needs money.

As Jerry Mcguire said...."SHOW ME THE MONEY!"

In conclusion, how the management or business owners run their business depends on the mindset of creating the business in the first place. Whether the top management is greedy or generous, feeling insecure or fully delegating, money-oriented or people-oriented will eventually increase or decrease employee's retention.

If a company has a Vision, Culture, System, Values, Branding, Positioning and Growth, it will not only attract Talents but retaining them as well.

LOVE MONEY & USE PEOPLE......NO, NO,NO....
LOVE PEOPLE & USE MONEY instead!

Life Labels

How do we live our life depends very much on the labels given by our ownself.
External labelling by peers, families, spouse & colleagues do affect our internal labelling if we are not strong enough.

Here are some thoughts about how some people viewed & labelled life...

LIFE IS ....
1) Hard - definitely this labelling is affecting one's mindset to continuously "struggle" in life.
2) A Game - this is a good one! When we lose a game, we can always re-start another game, discover new strategies & go through new levels. It is not Game Over yet.
3) About Winning or Losing - this is to remind us to be competitive and result oriented. But be careful not to practise it to the extreme of exploiting others to get what we want.
4) A Gift - this label is going to remind us to live with Gratitude, by focusing on what we have and be thankful.
5) A Discovery - this an Explorer's label; treating every situation and moment as an education and full of "mysteries"!
6) A Challenge - it is all about taking risk, being adventurous, keep going forward and not looking back.
7) A Journey - this is to understand life has its season; the ups & downs. Timing is everything. We are not going to reach and stop but keep moving.
8) A Dream - this is a good one, to remind us to Imagine and Visualize! Our daily job requires most of our Left-Brain hemisphere. It is good to exercise the Right hemisphere from time to time.
9) About Love - sacrifice, commitment and give; these are the 3 words that attached with this label. This is a reminder of money is not the only thing in life but families and friends are.
10) About Freedom - it is a good label to drive us to do what we want and what we passionate about.

Well, at different levels of life, we tend to "install" different labels to drive us forward or to bounce back from low-points or to remind us on life appreciation.
Keep this note, it might be useful along your journey of life.....