Top 5 Regrets In Life

I've found this message from Bronnie Ware, an inspiring writer from Australia.
The message is about a very interesting summary of the top 5 regrets that people have when they are dying soon. Very enlightening & it serve as a great reminder to us....

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Coffee with Love

This is what we get when things are done with a heart and soul through the mind.
Can you imagine how Starbucks positioned their customers? I can feel as they treat us as good friends, judging from the act of taking the trouble to inform us on the outlet closing or re-location, with a meaningful message. I'm touched!

This is great example when a business successfully invested in People, to Perform and eventually generating Profits! When a company tries to skip the People part and jump straight to Performance and Profits, most of the time, the employee retention will be low. As people don't feel appreciated and the sense of belonging is shallow. Therefore, resignation letters are flying here and there!

Some management implement a policy where "I set the rules and if you don't play by it, take a flight and leave!". Guess what, employees will do accordingly to grant your wish.
How can one rule, conquers all? Imagine one medication to treat all kinds of disease.
People are different and we are an organic human being that are suppose to be emotional, don't we? We are not cows or chicken! We have moments of celebration, moments of achievement and moments of dissapointment as well. At the end of the day, what is so great about money if it doesn't enrich or uplift someone's life?

If we want a harvest of a year, grow wheat.
If we want a harvest of 10 years, grow trees.
If we want a harvest of a lifetime, grow people.

Eventually, People will grow your empire!

Business Owner or Business Runner?

After working for many years, most people would like to start their own business. I've written previously on the "Purpose of Building A Business". Be it Passion, Innovation, Problem-Solving, Jobs Creation or Creating More Income for oneself, there are 2 ways of having our own business.

Either you:

1. Run it ...or...
2. Own it

If you run it, you will never own it.
If you own it, try not to run it.

I've recalled a trading company having high revenues and a big operating scale, firefights daily! Their daily routines are Blaming, Pinpointing, Shooting & Firing! Imagine going to the warzone every day to work. Guess how motivating it is .... There is no teamwork, no incentive and obviously no passion, only a group of people dying mentally and waiting to be buried alive someday.

Another company run by a husband & wife team. All the employees are expected to equipped with multiple Intel processors in their whole body; MULTI-MULTI-MULTI-TASKING!!!
And all the MD knows and care of is the sales volume, margin, profit and nothing else. There is no life, no soul, no respect and no meaning at all. Eventually, everyone left!

I've observed and known a number of business people. In summary:

• Some are having big businesses with a big team but infested with the disease of employee's turnover and low morality.
• Some small businesses remain small in their whole life, due to fear and a conventional mindset.
• Some businesses firefight in their daily routine.
• Some systematically having proper flow and procedures in place.
• While a chosen few started from small and grew into a business empire coupled with solid values, mission, systems, purpose and teamwork.

I think the difference between Business Owners and Business Runners are whether the Management team brings out the Best in people or creates the Worst in people. I call it the Enablers or the Disablers.
Are you creating Drivers, Planners, Communicators and Analyst in your business?
Or you are just creating a bunch of people doing ....whatever....as long as someone doing something.
Do you have people doing the right things or just people doing the things right?
What about having people doing the right things right?

If you wish to be a Business Owner, practise the 3 Es; Educate, Encourage and Empower people.
If you wish to be a Business Runner, practise the 3 Cs: Control, Criticize and Complain people.
But you can replace it with Care, Compliment and Cash!

It is all about having the Heart and Mind for the people. Letting them grow, make mistakes and uplifting them. The alignment of Thoughts and Action from the Management will reflect the real company foundation. Another important element of it is the balance between Systems and Flexibility. Systems control the company flow and procedures while Flexibility promotes harmony, respect and care.

For instance, a company may practise the policy of non-accumulative annual leave. But due to the commitment and dedication of your team players which undertake and overlook projects completion until the point that is impossible for them to clear the annual leave, what do you do when the annual leave is expiring soon?
System wise, burn all the leave days accordingly.
Flexibility wise, pay them accordingly and show that you really care and commit to your employee's dedication.

In conclusion, it is easy to start a business. It is hard to maintain and even harder to build leaders to grow your empire. Do you want your business managing your people or do you want your people managing your business?

You choose....

Admire vs. Envy

Let us learn to enjoy the beauty of admiring what we don't have that we can find in others. Jealousy will make us miserable. Envy will lead us to frustrations. Try to improve and strengthen our natural assets and what we are good at rather than comparing our weaknesses with other's strengths. The purpose is not to widen our gap with others but to find commonalities for accomplishments.

Some are born tall - they are naturally good for modeling!
Some are born short - don't worry, when the lightning strikes, the tall guy got it first!
Some are good in striking conversation - a magnet to a party!
Some are good in building long term friendship - loyalty comes in!
Some are naturally beautiful - but without brains.....oops!
Some are uggggggly - but with rationality and intelligence!

Well, I'm just having fun putting up some labels. But it is all about appreciating and admiring our own self.

Like yourself and Love who you are!
YOU ARE SPECIAL......

Last Minute Appreciation

Yesterday was the last day of one of my colleague working in our company. All the staff basically had a great lunch in an Indonesian Restaurant... grilled chicken with vege plus iced lemon tea.
Of course that is not the point!
After all of our stomachs are filled, we shared on how each of us felt working with this lovely and capable lady. Finally all the good words are shared and all the compliments started pouring out from our hearts. Collectively, we mentioned that this lady is extremely patient in handling difficult tasks and great at multi-tasking, very kind-hearted and did all of her jobs with a great big smile!
I am pretty sure all of us will miss her presence.
On the other hand, I felt another sad part of this event.

How come most of the employees are only appreciated verbally only at the moment of farewell?
Why all of a sudden, heartfelt and touchy words were uttered during the last day of a person?

Is it we are too busy chasing KPI, figures and troubleshooting daily challenges?
Perhaps we are too focus on the maximum use of our time for a high-level of productivity?
Maybe it is a norm in our Asian culture of not being expressive?
Or we just simply forgot?

I think one of the way to really bring out the best in people is through sincere compliments, words of acknowledgement and appreciation. We use our mind for management and we use our heart for appreciation. Basically, we use both.

Why not begin with the culture of "A Compliment A Day, Puts All The Negative Away".

Coffee-Business serving People or People-Business serving Coffee?

What an amazing book from the former President of Starbucks which contains nothing about coffee!
It is about how Starbucks focuses on People over Profits!
"There can be no coffee without people!"
That is the true essence of Starbucks.

Some companies believe that building a system, the system will build the business.
But Starbucks believe that building people, the people will grow the business!

I personally like one of the sayings in this book:
"Think Like A Person of Action and Act Like A Person of Thought".
Wow, simple & yet powerful stuff!

It is sort of the Yin & Yang between the Thoughts & Actions.
At times, we need to Think first before the Action. But sometimes, we need to Act first, then Think later.
This is very true especially a new opportunity arises.
When we analyze from A --> Z before taking actions, we could have miss the boat. And sometimes the boat doesn't return!!
But we can't be recklessly doing and running like a bull as well and be stubbornly positive about a hopeless projects. Persistency has to be coupled with Flexibility.
Imagine someone still persistently having faith & thinking positive about the growth of cassette industry in the year of 2011!!

Another empowering principle that I like from the book as well:
"The person who sweeps the floor should choose the broom!"
Some company truly believe human beings are capable of independent thinking if certain rules are removed.

Should we follow rules or should we fulfill the needs of people? The rule tells people "how-to-do" instead of explaining "why" & "what we are trying to achieve".

At Starbucks, they believed that they're in the Human Service Business, not the Customer Service Business.
As long as People are not being treated as Assets or Labour Costs alone, they can flourish in the environment of Encouragement, Appreciation, Reward & Respect.

Eventhough nowadays, consumers tend to go to Oldtown, Newtown, Georgetown or whatever Town kopitiam, I do prefer Starbucks off & on as I like the feeling of being greeted as a "friend" than filling up order number in kopitiam and passed it to a foreign worker who sometimes doesn't understand my extra request. I am saying this with all my respect to the foreign workers who contributed to the lack of workforce in the F&B industry. But sometimes it is good if we can understand them and vice-versa.

Let's learn to be a Logical-Person, Emotional-Person & a People-Person.

Plan Ahead but Enjoy the "NOW"

Got to know a friend that really appreciate life & not planning in details of how her life is going to be.
She knows the life direction but not really hoarding after money & wealth. She can work really hard and play really hard too.
She told me "What's the point of planning so detail & suddenly the next day, we die!"

In the beginning, I just listened & not really agreeing but later as I thought about it, it has some truth in it.
Not that we don't plan our life but not to forget to enjoy "NOW" & appreciate "NOW". The worst day in our life is regretting what we didn't do, who we didn't appreciate & love and places that we didn't go.
I think the worst of the worst is not eating the FOOD that we wana eat!!

Okay, let's move forward, smell the roses, move forward & smell more roses!
We have to keep on keeping on.

Let us enjoy, talk to people, call-up somebody that we haven't been contacting & make new friends.
Continue our Malaysian culture, Let's go Yam-Cha!

Our Parents... An Asset or Liability?

With all the MBA, KPI and goal settings around, some people might treat their parents as liability. Or an asset if they are rich!
But they are neither an asset nor liability, they are HUMAN BEING!

Last Saturday, I've watched "Great Day", a malaysian-made movie (I prefer "Woo-Hoo" though...and I definitely miss Ah Beng's voice!).

I did laughed & cried, though I am a man! Man have tears too okay! Overall, I did enjoy the movie.
The only setback of that movie was the transition or the flow.
It was badly done. While there are scenes where people cried (...me too!) momentarily and suddenly it hops to another scene.
Anyway, it is easier said than done. I do salute and give respect to the director. But I do like how the camera framing certain scenes from certain perspective. It was really good angles! Plus the 2 "pakcik" who acts naturally and hilariously.

Man...nowadays, don't "pray-play" with "uncles", they can act one u know!

Well, that movie triggers me to reminisce back on my grandfather during the 80s. He used to fly kites with me when I was really young. I still remember I used to dragged him back when it started to rain as I was running and he was walking with a "tongkat", without the "ali" of course....hahahah! 

Then I remember on how my father loved to bring us for peanut cream & yam cake on the roadside while driving a dark green toyota with the plate number AK 2223.
And every friday, we'll go for swimming. Eventhough until now, I still don't know how to float!
Almost every Saturday, we'll dine out.
For every Tuesday night, I'll eat what my father had bought, which is the "triangular-shaped bun with margerine & sugar" while watching Blue Thunder!
And at times, my parents would rent a nintendo set for us for a week and I am a Mario Bros specialist! I did finished level 8 ok!
The most exciting time was when my father brought back whole lots of durian with his 60cc honda cub! We'll ate durian beside the "longkang" in our house and we'll wacked the whole bag!

During my primary school days, I used to bring 60 cents to school. My mother expected me to have a typical lunch consists of soup noodles but I bought "keropok" and "Animal Survival" stickers instead! When my mother found that out, I was asked to kneel down to "Tei Chee Koong-Koong" (aiyah, don't know how to translate, I guess "The-Floor-Deity") and promised the deity not to cheat anymore!
You know what, I've broke that promise!

Well, we are not super rich, but I would say I'm quite happy & lucky in a way coz my parents are still around.

My father was a vegetable wholesaler and my mother was a seamstress. During the 80s, there was a crisis and my father's business was suffering. My mother kept supporting him emotionally and she took care of me & my 2 brothers pretty well I would say. We ate Maggi mee sometimes, but some good stuff as well. Especially my mother's home-made mini pork chop!

With all the ETP, GTP, NKRA ....etc to build the nation into a high income nation, please do not forget on how our parents bring the food on the table, raise us up, gave us education, shelter and love.

Well, "Great Day" is a movie reminding us of how we ignore our parents at times, as we move towards the stream of income-building & cultural modernisation! I wonder if Chinese New Year no longer serve the purpose of bringing family members together in future as the future generations have less & less childrens.

Back in the 80s, our CNY gathering consists of around 20 - 30 family members.
Nowadays, perhaps around 10 members including spouse and children.
Further down the road, perhaps around 5-6 members. Maybe some children who study abroad prefer video-conferencing with their parents instead of coming back for a reunion dinner! They might order pizza, delivers to their home and have reunion of their own!

Whatever it is, please go back for a reunion dinner on the CNY's eve and remember, our parents doesn't have much "years" to see us. Appreciate every moments of it.

Employee ah, employee....what do you want?

Last month & this month, my current company encounters a total of 6 people resigning. Another 3 thinking of resigning....That's really bad.

I've worked in multiple sizes of company before; small, medium and big.
Some with proper system and some without.
Some are doing competitively great and some are on the sun-set industry.
Some are managed by caring bosses & managers and some are just taking advantage of employees.

Well, finding talents is a difficult task today. Retaining them is even more difficult.

Out of my own journey talking to people as an employee, I've summarised what normally employees are looking for when they work in a company; it doesn't matter whether it has system or not, big or small.

1) Career path - Nobody wants to work forever as an executive or trainee level. The issue is whether the company has a plan to move up the employee on a career ladder or they just want to maintain the "tradition". Another issue is whether the employee is equipped with the skills for the new tasks. Budget allocation from a company in training might be a good idea!

2) Leadership - Manage by using our Head, Lead by using our Heart. Management is more on a Left-Brain area while Leadership is more on a Right-Brain stuff. We have to balance between;
- Looking at the big picture vs. Looking at the details.
- Task-oriented vs. People-oriented.
- Intelligence vs. Imagination.
- Instincts vs. Analysis
- Influence vs. Authority

Can we learn something from the managers / directors or we are just merely working like a robot?

3) Reward - Can you imagine cost of living keep going up and the range of salary remain the same today as compared to 5 - 10 years ago? Nowadays even a chicken rice / economy rice costs around RM4.50 - RM5.50, depending on the location. A typical malaysian car costs around RM40k - RM60k and people normally can afford to buy if the repayment period is drag up to 7 or 9 years. A mid-class apartment / condo costs around RM200k - RM300k....developer's price! Upon completion, perhaps rising up to RM300k - RM400k.....for an empty units excluding furnishing, renovation & decoration.

To me, salary comprises of 3 parts;
- Costs of Living
- Employee's ability
- Employee's performance

We can't just pay a standard rate for fresh graduate RM1,500 - RM1,800 / mth as if it is the same as 10 years back!

4) Appreciation - this is the most significant factor. Being acknowledged and felt we are part of the organisation is most important. Confront privately, compliment publicly. I've seen a boss that wanted to cut short a meeting duration by telling the employee, "Just tell me the bad news or problems faced, skip the good news!". Or "I don't care what are you going to do, just get it done!"

Well, that boss definitely save lots of time but not realising in long term, he is wasting more time by not listening & appreciating staff as he needed to train, re-train, train & retrain due to the frequent movement of people leaving & people coming in. The worst thing happen is when the employees felt they are a commodity instead of human being!

Whether a company wants to keep hiring new people or maintaining the talented employee for future growth will depend largely on the company's direction, mission & culture.

When Starbucks re-define their company mission from:

"WE ARE NOT A COFFEE BUSINESS SERVING PEOPLE....BUT A PEOPLE BUSINESS SERVING COFFEE!", whatever they do or decide will be more people-oriented and not coffee-oriented.

Eventually, it boils down to the Directors or Founders mindset of setting up the business.

What's the purpose of a particular business is being set up?
I've wrote another note on The Purpose of Building A Business.