An Iron-Willed Woman With A Gentle-Touch

Last month while I was travelling to Melaka with my friend solely to walkaround and find some good food in Jonker Street, instead of tasting good food, I witnessed another interesting "food" for my mind!

Before heading to fill up my stomach, I stopped to looked at this particular woman....slowly, gently & patiently moving her hand to create a nice piece of calligraphy.

I recalled when someone says, "Don't complain that we don't have branded shoes until we see others that don't have legs". I don't know the story of how this woman ended up being "different" but looking at her grace, I'm totally speechless & thoughtless about our life challenges sometimes.
To feel whether we are fortunate or unfortunate depends on who do we compare ourselves with.

To feel motivated, just look "UP".
To feel lucky, just look "DOWN".

Happiness & Unhappiness are the result of Comparisons.

Who are you comparing with today?

Top 5 Regrets In Life

I've found this message from Bronnie Ware, an inspiring writer from Australia.
The message is about a very interesting summary of the top 5 regrets that people have when they are dying soon. Very enlightening & it serve as a great reminder to us....

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Simplify A Complicated Life

It is hard to complicate a complicated life but even harder to simplify a complicated life.
Because our mind is complicated while our heart is simple!
Sometimes we use our mind and sometimes we listen to our heart.

Therefore, sometimes we are complicated & sometimes we are simple.
Initially, we use our mind to think & analyse. Then complications arrived.
Until our mind is tired, then we turn to our heart.
Finally we say, "Why wanna complicate a simple life? Let's simplify a complicated life!"
After a big round, we can only see a simple life through our heart!! Eventually, we are looking for simple happiness.

Growth happens due to comparisons.
But unhappiness also comes from comparisons.
The difference is one is with positive comparisons while the latter is based on negative comparisons.

That is why in order to gain happiness, we often hear people saying, "Listen to your heart" instead of "Listen to your mind".
Therefore, it is easier to decide with our heart and execute it with our mind.

P/S: Hmm....seems like the heart has a big role in our life. I wonder where are the lungs & liver...!!

Happiness: Synthetic or Organic?

I just watched a local tv programme entitled "Sejuta Impian" organized by a telecommunication company to grant funds for people who have dreams, passion and action plans to realized it.
I'm impressed and touched by those who presented their dreams to help, uplift and enrich other's life.
With the pace of urban living, sometimes we care less of whatever that doesn't contribute to the P&L statement.

The P&L doesn't just stand for Profit & Loss.
It stands for People & Love as well!

Whatever we do today, are we really happy about it?
Are we, in any way helps or uplifts anyone along the journey of success?
Are we gaining Synthetic Happiness or the real stuff?

People succumb to alcohol, cigarettes, "escape-type" vacations, divorce, job promotions, fast cars, diamond rings, luxury bags....etc to gain synthetic and short term happiness. Those are By-The-Way of success. Nothing wrong with it as long as we are not too obsessed until we miss the main stuff.
What really matters is getting the organic and long-lasting chapter of happiness. We can achieve it through:

1. A sense of gratitude
2. The process of accomplishing a worthwhile goal
3. Enriching and uplifting others

One of my way of getting happiness is through blogging. It serves as a channel of my thought expressions and I hope it enriches someone in some ways.
After writing blogs, I felt lighter, more satisfied and fulfilled.

And I hope you will find your way too....

An Old Man with a Young Heart

This morning, I had a light breakfast in KL with an elderly man in his early 70s. We were in a typical kopitiam, not those fancy-franchising ambience but those with plastic chairs and dirty, oily table where it was hot and noisy! Once a while, I do miss those kind of kopitiam.

It was drizzling and later on, raining cats & dog for around 20 minutes.
While sitting there & having a sip of the original "kopi" without any caramel, I enjoy listening to the story of how this 70 year old ride on his roller-coaster of life.

He had a hard time in the 80s and went through bankcruptcy. Adding to his pain, his elder brother doesn't want to share the responsibility of taking care of their parents during his hardest time. And he has 6 children! Rather than dwelling on the problem, he sucked it up and explore other business venture while his existing business has rotten with many bad debts. Without much analysis, just based on some common sense, he just did it.
Eventually he managed to moved on and create a "little wealth" for himself and the business grew until he managed to earn around few hundred Ringgit a day. Remember, that was in the 80s. Earning few hundred a day was really an achievement.

Did I mentioned his elder brother was doing great financially? The greed of money can sometimes blindfold a person's consciousness and destroy a person's sense of goodness.

Long story short; a simple man with a strong commitment and perseverance, always win the race of life eventually.

I do hope this man is blessed with happiness and abundance of life (which I think he has) after going through such a tough time. Until today, he is still productively working and keeping his "old" employees who were loyal to him for years and I truly think that he deserve a great life ahead.

Not to mention being a millionaire or a tycoon, but I think his life is pretty enriching and it serve as a great lesson and example for Gen Y & Gen Z to follow.

Sometimes, we don't have to look far for heroes, just those around us might be an unknown hero or hero-in-the-making. Not only the Trump, the Buffett, the Branson are great, but this 70 year old man is a great example too.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not sure the origin of Valentine's Day and whether Valentine is the founder's name. Who cares?

Some people perceived Valentine's Day as a day created by large corporation mainly for business generation & profit taking.
Some even thought that it is just another day. What is so special about it.....the earth still spins the same way!

To me, why not just merely enjoy it instead of thinking on the negative side of it or having too much analysis on the origination. It is beautiful and lovely to have such a day for couple to rekindle their love, for new couple to strengthen their love and most importantly, for secret-lover to reveal their secret!!

It can be a reason, an excuse or a purpose for us to do something or express our hearts out!

I'm married since 2002 and 2nd of October was the day that my life was coupled with another partner, Anne.

We used to enjoyed, argued, teased and supported each other and fortunately, until today!
I think these are the reason that we sustained our marriage and relationship.
Well, a calm sea will not make a skillful sailor! A calm relationship will not make a steady couple either.

Remember those days when we first met our secret lover, ideal guy or gal where our hearts pumping at 50kHz and our blood travels at 180km / hr!

We can't sleep, eat, study and think well whenever "he" or "she" is not around. We miss that person every minute, every hour and every day!

We used to wear an "angelic" or a "gentlemanic" mask all the time, speaking and behaving gently, well-mannered and acting as a YES man or woman! Sometimes to the extend of gently "lying" to our partner saying that:
..."YES, it is convenient, I'll fetch you..."
(You wanted to say: "Why not take a bus, then LRT, then take a taxi lah!")

..."YES, what a beautiful dress..."
(You wanted to say: "Don't waste money lah!")

..."YES honey, you are still slim..."
(You wanted to say: "Fatty bom-bom, curi jagung! Eh, sign up Marie France lah")

..."YES dear, it is delicious..."
(You wanted to say: "Better don't cook, next time order pizza ok!")

Well, it was those "Gentle-Lies" and Mask that actually keep a relationship interesting.
Time will dilute those interesting moments. Opening our mask and telling unnecessary "truth" will hurt a relationship sometimes. You might not agree but it is true.

Imagine on the 4 examples statement above, to be replaced by the bracketed statement!
You are just looking for trouble!
Well, HONESTY is a must in a relationship, but it must be coupled with RESPECT.
Tell the truth, but find the right way and the right time to communicate.
It will save you from unnecessary war!

As the saying goes, Make Love, not War!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Plan Ahead but Enjoy the "NOW"

Got to know a friend that really appreciate life & not planning in details of how her life is going to be.
She knows the life direction but not really hoarding after money & wealth. She can work really hard and play really hard too.
She told me "What's the point of planning so detail & suddenly the next day, we die!"

In the beginning, I just listened & not really agreeing but later as I thought about it, it has some truth in it.
Not that we don't plan our life but not to forget to enjoy "NOW" & appreciate "NOW". The worst day in our life is regretting what we didn't do, who we didn't appreciate & love and places that we didn't go.
I think the worst of the worst is not eating the FOOD that we wana eat!!

Okay, let's move forward, smell the roses, move forward & smell more roses!
We have to keep on keeping on.

Let us enjoy, talk to people, call-up somebody that we haven't been contacting & make new friends.
Continue our Malaysian culture, Let's go Yam-Cha!

Our Parents... An Asset or Liability?

With all the MBA, KPI and goal settings around, some people might treat their parents as liability. Or an asset if they are rich!
But they are neither an asset nor liability, they are HUMAN BEING!

Last Saturday, I've watched "Great Day", a malaysian-made movie (I prefer "Woo-Hoo" though...and I definitely miss Ah Beng's voice!).

I did laughed & cried, though I am a man! Man have tears too okay! Overall, I did enjoy the movie.
The only setback of that movie was the transition or the flow.
It was badly done. While there are scenes where people cried (...me too!) momentarily and suddenly it hops to another scene.
Anyway, it is easier said than done. I do salute and give respect to the director. But I do like how the camera framing certain scenes from certain perspective. It was really good angles! Plus the 2 "pakcik" who acts naturally and hilariously.

Man...nowadays, don't "pray-play" with "uncles", they can act one u know!

Well, that movie triggers me to reminisce back on my grandfather during the 80s. He used to fly kites with me when I was really young. I still remember I used to dragged him back when it started to rain as I was running and he was walking with a "tongkat", without the "ali" of course....hahahah! 

Then I remember on how my father loved to bring us for peanut cream & yam cake on the roadside while driving a dark green toyota with the plate number AK 2223.
And every friday, we'll go for swimming. Eventhough until now, I still don't know how to float!
Almost every Saturday, we'll dine out.
For every Tuesday night, I'll eat what my father had bought, which is the "triangular-shaped bun with margerine & sugar" while watching Blue Thunder!
And at times, my parents would rent a nintendo set for us for a week and I am a Mario Bros specialist! I did finished level 8 ok!
The most exciting time was when my father brought back whole lots of durian with his 60cc honda cub! We'll ate durian beside the "longkang" in our house and we'll wacked the whole bag!

During my primary school days, I used to bring 60 cents to school. My mother expected me to have a typical lunch consists of soup noodles but I bought "keropok" and "Animal Survival" stickers instead! When my mother found that out, I was asked to kneel down to "Tei Chee Koong-Koong" (aiyah, don't know how to translate, I guess "The-Floor-Deity") and promised the deity not to cheat anymore!
You know what, I've broke that promise!

Well, we are not super rich, but I would say I'm quite happy & lucky in a way coz my parents are still around.

My father was a vegetable wholesaler and my mother was a seamstress. During the 80s, there was a crisis and my father's business was suffering. My mother kept supporting him emotionally and she took care of me & my 2 brothers pretty well I would say. We ate Maggi mee sometimes, but some good stuff as well. Especially my mother's home-made mini pork chop!

With all the ETP, GTP, NKRA ....etc to build the nation into a high income nation, please do not forget on how our parents bring the food on the table, raise us up, gave us education, shelter and love.

Well, "Great Day" is a movie reminding us of how we ignore our parents at times, as we move towards the stream of income-building & cultural modernisation! I wonder if Chinese New Year no longer serve the purpose of bringing family members together in future as the future generations have less & less childrens.

Back in the 80s, our CNY gathering consists of around 20 - 30 family members.
Nowadays, perhaps around 10 members including spouse and children.
Further down the road, perhaps around 5-6 members. Maybe some children who study abroad prefer video-conferencing with their parents instead of coming back for a reunion dinner! They might order pizza, delivers to their home and have reunion of their own!

Whatever it is, please go back for a reunion dinner on the CNY's eve and remember, our parents doesn't have much "years" to see us. Appreciate every moments of it.

You Bhd: A great company or a PN17 company?

Wow, time really flies....

Remember the time that we talked about Y2K? Some are afraid of the "bugs" will shut down certain computer systems!
Here we are... 2010, almost ending!

10 years already past.
Some thought 2020 is still a long way to go.
Yeah, try wasting another 10 years and calculate how many extra wrinkles on our forehead by that time! We won't be able to smile by then as we have extra 2382 fine lines when we do! Well, definitely it is not the fine lines that matter, it is our journey that counts.

Time is only moving in one direction, which is Forward.
But thoughts can be travelling Forward or Backward.
To move Forward, sometimes we need to scan a little Backward.

Perhaps reviewing some aspects of our life will help. Especially in terms of:
1) The income that we earn? Surviving? Satisfying? Enriching? Or "Fatt Tatt" already, haha....?
2) The job that we do? Is it based on passion or merely a surviving tool?
3) Family: Are we settling down? Do we have the correct budget for family planning? Any education fund for our kids?
4) Who is our hero in life? Perhaps any mentor around?
5) Are we happy with where we are? Job, Biz, Charity, Education...etc
6) Do we want to excel in our job, or starting a small biz or try investing?
7) What else do we want to learn more? Leadership? Entrepreneurship? Self-Enrichment? Socialising? Parenting? Playing musical instruments? A different job scope? Property? ...etc
8) The circle of friends that we associate with? Is it the same? Do we want a change?
9) Satisfy with our body weight & posture? Overweight? Fit? Big tummy? Stamina?
10) Our personalities, habits & attributes? Do we want to be more extrovert, risk-taking, positive, open-minded, prudent, generous, caring, result-oriented or people-oriented? ...etc

Well, the list could be endless.
Perhaps we can provoke ourself this question:
"If I have a 100k to acquire a stake in someone's life and expecting a consistent or higher return, who would I invest in?"
Is it "John Wong Sdn Bhd", "Adeline Tan Sdn Bhd", "Shukri Enterprise", "Krishnan Bhd" or etc....
Just think about everyone as a company for a while.....

Then we'll begin mapping People in Business aspects. We'll start searching for the relevant attributes don't we?
Are you going to invest in Intelligence or Emotional Intelligence? Knowledge or Attitude? Certificates or Leadership?

The interesting part is "Are you going to buy a stake of your ownself?"
If "YOU" are listed in Bursa Malaysia as YOU BHD, are you going to buy? Do you think others will buy? Or all of them who have bought it, sold it coz you are a PN17 company!! haha.....
Joke a bit lah...you are not that bad! All of us are unique and I truly believe we have our own spark plug to ignite our real desire and potential in life.

When you think about companies like SPSetia, Maxis, YTL, IOI, Amway, Petronas, HongLeong (of course it is not an endorsement or recommendation to buy!), what are the attributes that we like about them? Perhaps mapping it in-person like Ananda Krishnan, Liew Kee Sin, Francis Yeoh, Tony Fernandes, Idris Jala...etc...
Attributes like Integrity, Growth, Performance, Trust, Confidence, Management, Leadership, Branding, Ethics, CSR....etc, comes to mind.

Well, I hope it can provoke us a little.
Afterall, we are after a balance circle of success and on top of all, HAPPINESS & SELF-SATISFACTION!
Hmmm.....let's think about it....